Sitting in midlife on your way to vintage

One day our mother started speaking her mind rather directly. She had always spoken her mind but not to this extent. At first, it was shocking. Then it was funny, but then it was shocking again. When asked about it she replied, “I am 'blank' years old and I have earned the right to say what I want.”

Who knew she had so much to say? Usually, she was quite ladylike. If she had something colorful to say, she would soften it a bit. So, what happened?  

When does a person reach that point where things start flying out of their mouth, without a thought about how it may sound? It got me thinking about the signs of aging and entering the next phase of our lives. Here are some scenarios, from my perspective, that are sure signs.

One day you’re driving down the street listening to the radio, and a song comes on that you love, but you’re on the old-people station.  

A piece of mail comes addressed to you from AARP, and you think someone is playing a joke on you. 

Now you’re going to bed when you used to go out.  

You’re waking up before you used to be up for school.

Your metabolism slows down, but your appetite doesn’t.  

You think the world is going to hell in a handbasket and thank God you won’t be around to see what happens.  

The way young people speak today drives you crazy, “LIKE” 4,000 times crazy. 

You wonder when people stopped talking to each other or visiting.

You look at what young people are wearing and wonder where their mothers are?  

You call young people, “young people.”  

You look for an earlier Late News because there’s no way you’re going to make it to 11 p.m.   

Your biggest fear is that your computer will get hacked and you won’t know what to do.   

You hunt for exact change to pay your bill, at the drug store.  

Your body changes shape, and your clothes start to look different.

You start openly discussing topics that you never admitted to doing before.  

You are unfazed by people with gas that toot openly.  

You catch yourself being cranky and wonder why you care so much?

You scan through your TV channels, stumble on "Murder, She Wrote" and "In the Heat of the Night" and think, what great shows.  

You care what people think, but not a lot and definitely not the mean people.  

You get very comfortable in your skin and find your flaws to be part of your character.

You try to dress currently but don’t want to look too young.  

You drive slower and notice things.  

Alcohol makes you feel differently. It use to rev you up, now it calms you down.

You never sleep through the night. 

You get up to go to the bathroom so many times during the night; you wonder if you should slap on a Fitbit and see how many steps you took.

You wonder what young people are thinking with the music today.  

You use lines like “when I was young" and "when I was your age.”  

You think the music that was cool when you were young was the best.  

You still think you're cool sometimes but not really, and it’s OK.

You try to talk to young people and find yourself at a loss for topics that will interest them.  

You travel with a snack in your pocket or purse in case you're late for lunch.  

You think there is nothing on TV or at the movies these days. 

You can’t believe what they charge for everything.  

And finally: This article made you laugh like a school girl at a slumber party!

Colleen Harding

I run the Cleveland School of Etiquette and Corporate Protocol.   I am a member St Raphael Women's Guild, Friends of the Westside Catholic Center and The Avon Oaks Women's Golf Association.

I live in Bay Village with my husband and 3 children.   

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Volume 11, Issue 8, Posted 9:53 AM, 04.16.2019